This dream seemed very allegorical from the beginning, and I knew I was being taught a concept with the story…

I dreamed there was a young woman, unmarried, virgin, whose deepest desire was to totally and completely please God and obey Him. She earnestly sought Him day and night and wanted to commit her life to full time service to God.

It was part of “church doctrine” that in order to do this, she would have to have intimate relations with every elder in the church, and that would make her “holy” to God.

Each elder had a room that was a “sanctum” set aside for this purpose. The doctrine seemed to be upheld and promoted by the women in the church especially.

The dream began with the girl arriving at the house of an elder for her “appointment” with him. He was her uncle. He seemed like a really decent man, if quiet and withdrawn.

The man was not home. The wife was very irritated with him for missing the appointment. She was obviously upset and wanted the girl to wait. The “rules” were that the elder could refuse and the blame would not be on the girl. The wife of the house obviously coveted this religious rite for her husband as something of importance. The uncle stayed gone.

The wife of the house now began to say that “the son would do his father’s part…yes, that’s the way it should be. The son would take the duty since his father was not home…”

Now the son was a lecherous, nasty fellow with no love for God at all. He was standing in the background grinning and eagerly waiting his treat.

The most poignant part of the dream was that moment in which the girl mentally stepped back from the whole situation and looked at it objectively, without religious assumptions. She felt sick with the memory of how many men she had whored herself to in order to find God. She realized how many of the memories she had blocked out. How many of the men weren’t righteous at all… but just pretending to be righteous. She searched her memory for a righteous man… desiring to hold on to the memory of that union as the archtype of her search for God. But none of the memories seemed right. And this, this lecherous fool before her now… how could this make her holy to God? How could He truly desire this of her?

She looked toward the sanctum and saw it as a place of secret crime rather than holy worship. She knew about the molestations and fornications that also went on in the sanctums of these men. How could this place be holy to God? Who is God anyway? Had she missed Him in her zeal to find Him?

She argued with the wife that this would not do. She was free to go since the uncle had not shown up. The wife angrily threatened to bring the matter before the elders and have the girl forced to compliance. “How dare you insult the elder by denying the son? Who did you think you are? If you really wanted to please God you would be willing to do anything for Him. This was pride showing through… this was evidence that you aren’t really devoted to God after all…”

The girl found herself desperately praying that the uncle would come home. At least he was a good man.

I awoke. We prayed.

_______________________________________

This dream disgusted me. We talked about it a lot.

A missionary couple came through a few days later. They talked about how distressing and difficult it was to get support in order to go oversees to minister. They talked about the churches they had visited, the questions they had answered, the rejections and the suggestions… The love of money that made their “home church” choose to keep 100 K in the bank just in case there are bad times, while deciding not to send this couple overseas to work with gypsies in the mountains… they just couldn’t afford it. But – they would use them in ministry here at home…

I remembered how it was. I remembered trying to serve in a church in the US… everything had to be taught as recommended by the pastor, and most of all… by the pastor’s wife. These games, this curriculum… this time.

Isn’t it odd to want so desperately to serve God and then to find you’re actually in the temple of Diana? It’s pretty messed up. How do you serve God anyway? Where can you find Him? How can you offer yourself to Him and sidestep the life of whoring yourself at the temple in order to please Him?

Gabe says “learn to recognize a true elder, a true teacher… read the word. Some that set themselves up as teachers are just hirelings, they’re false teachers.”

I know that God is never false, never vile. If there is impurity, it’s not in God. He is holy and just and there is no one in between Him and me.

« »